


Let Me In

by matbaerzal



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:46:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23841718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matbaerzal/pseuds/matbaerzal
Relationships: Brock Boeser/Reader
Kudos: 4





	Let Me In

You’d never been good at sharing your feelings. There were only a handful of people that you let see your vulnerable side, and your best friend Brock was one of those people. Well, he had been, up until you realized you love him. It’d been a couple weeks since the realization and to say you were freaking out would be an understatement. You’d been out for lunch with him, and everything seemed normal at first; like any other lunch you’d had together. But then he had to go ahead and be nice and sweet and stupidly handsome.

You were sat at a small café on a Monday, and you’d mostly finished eating, now just snacking on whatever was left as you talked. A woman about the same age as you both walked in and you could hear her order a long list of drinks, reading the order off of a note in a hurry, before handing the note to the barista. It was probably over ten drinks and it left you wondering how she was going to hold them all when she left. As all her drinks were ready, she seemed to be wondering the same thing. She had four drink holders all containing four coffee cups each. You and Brock were both looking at her trying to stack the drinks one way or another when Brock stood up, and walked the short distance over to her. “You need some help there?” He said, catching her off guard a bit, making her almost lose balance of the drinks before Brock reached out to steady them. You could see the look on her face, it’s the face most women make when they see Brock. He’s probably the most handsome guy you’ve ever met, and it’s obvious that most other women think the same thing.

“Yes! Sorry, if you don’t mind, I just need to get them out into my car across the street. Thank you!” she rushed, seeming nervous in her speech. He took two of the drink holders and looked at you, “I’ll be right back”. They walked towards the door, “I’m sorry for interrupting your date” you heard her say, and just before they exited the café Brock replied “oh no, don’t worry, we’re just friends.” His words unexpectedly stung, and looking at the two of them smiling as they crossed the road made you feel uneasy. It looked like a scene out of a romantic comedy, and it made you feel sick. Why it made you feel that way, you had no idea, and the confusion only added to your spiralling mood. You could see Brock making his way back across the road, the smile on his face, just made you feel worse. Without thinking much you stood up from your seat. “Sorry, I have to go, I uh-, I’m meeting Katie in a bit” you lie, not being able to look at him as you do so. Well, it’s only a half lie, you are meeting your neighbour Katie later, but not for another 5 hours. “I thought that wasn’t until later today”, he says, because of course you’d told him that. “Yeah, um, she just sent me a text saying she can’t do later after all” you lie again, whilst gathering your things up nervously. He hesitates, before sighing. “Ok, let me drive you home then”.

The drive over is quiet, and they usually are. But unlike all the other times, you have a million thoughts swimming through your head and you can’t seem to catch any of them. For the first time ever the silence between you feels awkward. Brock drops you outside your apartment building, and you almost forget to hug him before you leave, because you’re too wrapped up in your own thoughts.

When you get to your floor, you walk straight past your own door to the next. Knocking frantically, hoping Katie was home. She opens the door, surprised to see it’s you. “I thought we weren’t meeting till later? Did Brock have to cancel lunch or something?”. You walk past her and slump down on her couch. “No, we already went” you exhale, frustrated. Your thoughts are still running a mile a minute. “What’s up with you?” Katie says, eyeing you as she sits down on the opposite side of the couch. She’s obviously noticed you’re in a bit of a mood. “I honestly have no idea” you admit. “How’s that?” she laughs. “I mean one minute I was completely fine, and then the next I just, I don’t even know” you splutter. She gives you a confused look, “did something happen at lunch?”.

You think back to Brock and the woman at the café and huff out. “Not really, I mean, It’s stupid” you say. “Try me” she challenges. So you tell her about the woman, and you try your best to explain how it made you feel and going over the story just makes you even more confused about your feelings. When you’re all done, Katie looks at you, and you can’t get a read on her expression. “Wow” she laughs, ”what do you mean, wow?” you don’t mean to snap. “I just thought you didn’t want to admit it to anyone else, but turns out you don’t even want to admit it to yourself” she says. You’re even more confused now, and before you can even say anything Katie chuckles, “you’re jealous!”. “What?” that’s the last thing you expected her to say. “No, there’s no way, I don’t have a reason to be jealous” you continue, and the second you say the word, it’s like a flood of feelings rush through your body. “Oh my god, fuck, I am jealous” you cover your face with your hands, the thought alone makes you terrified.

On Wednesday, Brock messages you and asks if you want to come over and watch a movie, you come up with an excuse as to why you can’t. Lying is much easier over text, you find. It’s not until Friday that you see him in person again. You couldn’t lie your way out of this one. Petey’s birthday had just been, so you’d been invited out for dinner to celebrate. It had been planned for a while now and it didn’t feel right to cancel, especially because you hadn’t seen Elias in a while. You hoped the fact that there would be a couple of other people there, and that you could drink some wine, would help your panicked state. You didn’t even know how you should act around Brock now.

When you arrived at the restaurant everyone was already there. Normally you’d be early, but you had spent a long time trying to figure out what to wear and even longer freaking out at the fact that you now cared so much about your appearance. Upon seeing you, Brock practically jumped out of his seat to greet you with a hug. You hesitantly wrap your arms around him. “What took you so long?” he said, still not letting go yet. “I’m not that late, am I?” you mumble, feeling guilty now, and he finally lets go of you. You quickly move to Petey and lean down to give him a hug where he’s sat. “Happy Birthday” you say as you hand him your gift. “Thank you. It’s only 10 past Brock, she’s really not that late” he says. Looking up you greet the other guests, noticing that you’ve even arrived before a couple of people. “Just considering she’s always early” Brock mumbles. When Brock pulls out the chair next to him for you to sit down, you pretend you don’t see and sit down next to Petey on the opposite side of the table instead. Brock gives you a funny look, and to avoid being asked about it you turn to Petey again, “you can open your gift now if you want.”

The rest of the guests arrive shortly after you, and now you’ve all had your mains. You’ve had a bit more wine than you’d normally have, to try to drown the awkwardness you feel between you and Brock. You’d barely spoken a word to each other, despite his best efforts to start a conversation with you. Now that you’re waiting for dessert, you’re in deep thought, the conversations around you just noise. That is until you hear Brock say your name. “Sorry, what?” you say as you turn to look at him. “I was just telling Petey about Vanessa, the girl at the café” He says. “What about her?” you say, trying to keep your voice level and unaffected. You take a sip of your drink to try to collect yourself. “Well, she gave me her number, and we’re actually going out for dinner tomorrow” He exclaims. You try your best not to spit your wine out all over the table, swallowing too quickly, which then causes a coughing fit. Petey pats you on the back, not being able to keep himself from laughing at you a little. “That’s- That’s great” you manage to say once the coughing calms down.

Brock looks confused and you’re afraid your fake excitement didn’t convince him. The way he’s looking at you is too much, and you want to run away like you did the last time. Instead you excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. Once there you do the first thing that comes to mind. Katie doesn’t take long to pick up her phone. She doesn’t even bother saying hello, “How are you hanging in there?”. You can hear her smirk over the phone. “This isn’t funny Katie, I can’t even look at him without blushing” you groan. “And now he’s going on a date with that café lady tomorrow!” you continue. “Oh” she pauses “I’m sorry”. You sigh “I can’t hide in a bathroom forever, but I’m afraid I’ll say the wrong thing if I stay”. “Maybe go sit with someone else, and leave a bit earlier” she suggests. “Yeah, I guess I could do that,” it wouldn’t be too weird if you sat down and socialized with the other guests. So that’s what you do, luckily there’s a free seat next to Jake. You see Brock look at you in the corner of your eye, but you don’t look over. You try your best to focus on the ongoing conversation. The rest of the night you only look at him when you know he’s not looking at you. He looks distant, and you don’t hear him talk much the rest of the night. You make it through dessert before you go over to Elias to say goodbye. Before Brock can get up to hug you, you’re on your way to the door. You don’t notice the upset in his eyes as you leave without acknowledging him.

The next day all you can think about is the fact that Brock is going on a date. And after a lengthy conversation with Katie you’ve come to the conclusion that you can’t continue like this. He’s your best friend, and whilst you’ve now realized that you have feelings for him, he clearly doesn’t feel the same. If he did, he wouldn’t be on a date with Vanessa. You’d have to live with that, you couldn’t lose him as your friend, you would have to get over him somehow. For now all you wanted to do was sulk on the couch with a movie in the background. Trying your best not to think about Brock and Vanessa, and how they were probably having a great time. And that this was probably only the first of many dates, you’d have to meet her properly one day and pretend you’re ok with it. Brock would normally text you after a date to tell you how it went. So, when he doesn’t, you assume the worst. It had gone so well that he’d already forgotten all about you.

It’s not until late Monday that he calls you. The days in-between you’d spent moping around, trying to get a grip. Katie had tried her best to get you out, but you had simply been too stubborn. You hesitate before deciding to answer. Your heart feels like it’s beating out of your chest when you hear his voice. “Hey, can I come over?” he says. “Sure, yeah” you say, “ok, good, I’ll be right over” he answers before hanging up. Usually he’d just show up, without calling, so the fact that he felt like he had to call now just made you nervous. You quickly go to the bathroom to freshen yourself up, not wanting him to see the state you’re in. He’d know straight away that you weren’t feeling well and he wouldn’t give in until you tell him what’s wrong. You’d just managed to fix your hair a bit and change your clothes when there’s a knock on your door.

“How did the date go?” you ask, feeling a lump form in your throat. Brock walks past you, ignoring your question. A look of frustration adorns his face as he sits down on your couch. “Why did you ignore me at Petey’s birthday?” he presses. You freeze in your spot, “Wha-, Why-, I didn’t ignore you” you insist. “Please don’t lie to me” he sighs, running his hand through his hair, “just tell me what’s wrong”. You look down on the floor, still stuck where you’re standing, “nothing’s wrong, I’m fine” you manage to get out. You know straight away that he’ll see right through it. He sighs “Stop pretending you’re okay, because I know you’re not.” When you look up at him, he’s staring right back. The sadness in his eyes captivates you and you can’t look away. You could stare at his eyes forever, but he doesn’t let you as he tears his gaze away, looking at his hands. Before you can come up with another excuse he speaks up again. “You always pull away from people when something is wrong, and I’ve tried to give you space, because normally you come to me eventually and tell me what’s wrong.” His eyes find yours again before he continues, “but you’ve pulled away from me completely and I’m scared because I don’t know what I did wrong.. Just talk to me, please” His voice breaking as he pleads you.

Knowing that telling him anything but the truth wouldn’t be fair now, you take a deep shuddering breath before moving to sit down on the opposite end of the couch. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Brock” you sigh, “Then wha-” he starts before you interrupt him. “No, please just let me talk, because there’s no way I’ll tell you if you don’t let me” he gives you an apologetic look and gestures for you to continue. His eyes are studying your face, and you feel incredibly shy. It hurts to think that you’ve caused this yourself. You put a distance between the two of you, he blamed himself for it, and here he is desperate to know why you pulled away. Giving you the time and space you need to gather up the courage to tell him.

“I realized something a couple of days ago. Something that absolutely terrifies me, and telling you will change everything. But, I can’t lie to you anymore” Whenever you lie to him you can’t even look him in the eyes, so to make sure he knows you’re telling the truth you gather up all your strength to maintain eye contact as you’re about to change your relationship forever. You expect he’ll need time to process, and it’ll be awkward, but hopefully you’re not about to lose your best friend forever. “I was jealous of Vanessa when you met her at the café, and it only got worse at Petey’s birthday when you told me you were going on a date with her. That’s why I left the café early and that’s why I couldn’t even look at you during Petey’s birthday dinner. Because a couple days ago I realized that I love you, Brock” It feels as if the weight of the world has lifted off of your shoulders and you can’t stop yourself before you continue. “I love you, and I know you don’t feel the same, so I was terrified that if I told you that you’d freak out and I’d lose you as a friend. So I just needed some space to get over my feelings, because I can’t lose you. I can’t not be your friend, you mean too much to me”

You’re not sure what his reaction would be, but he’s just sitting there looking at you. Now he’s the one that is frozen in his spot, and you assume that he’ll need some space once he processes your confession. So you take your time looking at him, taking in all the small details about him. His hair that needs a trim soon, his broad shoulders, and his stupid, cute face. And his lips, that are now slightly smirking. No, that can’t be right. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, the whole time” He suddenly says, which leaves you even more confused. Seeing your confusion he continues, “You asked me how my date went.” In a flash the jealousy is back, but as quickly as it came it disappears when he says, “All I could think about was you, and why you were ignoring me. And more importantly, how that made me feel. The whole time I was comparing her to you, and I realized something too.” He’s definitely smirking now, clearly seeing something you aren’t, “what did you realize?” you ask him. “That I love you too, obviously”. He moves closer to you on the couch and by the time he’s next to you, you register what he just said “you love me?” you stuttered. “Yeah, and you love me, right?” he smiles, leaning in closer and closer. A smile finds your lips “I love you” you confirm. His hand slides around the nape of your neck, leaning in his nose brushes against yours. Your lips almost touching as you close your eyes, your hand finds his t-shirt as you pull him in the rest of the way. It’s unlike any other first kiss you’ve ever had, like you were meant for this. It feels like everything is falling into place and you are right where you’re meant to be.


End file.
